Kaalu (adj.)- a word used to lovingly refer to a man/woman with a dark complexion by 'friends' and family. (fem. kaali)
S/he/they could be an independent self-made person, but in this country, this word is the only identity, a number on the shade card.
Words make hella difference, amigos, I tell ya. 'Mata' Kaali will be seen as a mythological warrior with her tongue sticking out, but a 'behen' kaali or a 'beti' kaali will have several connotations:
1. The mother must have eaten less turmeric during her pregnancy.
2. Every family member ought to think four times before introducing them to any outsider.
3. Being fed the notion that they are not 'likeable' and will suffer in terms of matrimonial alliances.
4. Relegated to the margins in plays and dramas.
5. A permanent subscription to 'Phare-n-lobely,' whose owners happen to be dark-skinned themselves. (What better example do you need of a product being utter trash?)
Similarly for the men, (Lord) Shiva's, Rama's, Krishna's, or Vishnu's skin tones will gain mesmerized looks, but an actual black man doesn't qualify 'to be liked.'
And be it a man, or a woman, specifically- compensate the color with the dollar.
For a country that worships Goddess Kaali, it is ironic that women who are 'kaali' are not quite perceived that same way.
Growing up, the beauty standards were set pretty straightforward in my mind. No one ever dictated these standards to me, I simply picked on details of events that happened around me. Being fair was (and is) considered as the embodiment of beauty. We might believe that since it’s the 21st century, people must have grown. Just tell a person that they look a few shades darker than before and the sudden agony on their face will give you your answer. The market is still flooded with generic products claiming to make you beautiful by turning you a few shades lighter. Most advertisements carry an implicit message that darkness is the root of all women’s (and now men’s) problems. Consequently, skin lightening is the key to our success in all spheres of life in their stunted opinion.
The overriding importance of skin-color especially in the context of marriage has been largely unaddressed. To date, there are matrimonials in the newspaper looking for a fair woman for a man. The woman’s achievements and merits take a back seat and it is her skin tone that decides who she’s going to spend the rest of her life with. A dark-skinned woman who is looking to marry could be earning twice as much as her partner, but society would merely regard it as a 'favor' done upon her.
It is ruled out that there could be someone out there actually sane, who knows what matters and what doesn't. Come on, not every person is a fair-skin hunting goober. Just saying.
This post is not only for those who consider fair-skin a pre-requisite of a good character but also for those who would preach to other people about 'pichde vichaar' but would still hesitate in having a dark-skinned family member. Sadly, it is for those women too (be in any capacity- mother, sister, teacher, or boss) who suggest their juniors to 'take care of their bodies or else, matrimonial prospects might get hurt.'
All of this is so easily dismissed as being normal. It is not normal. It has been made normal. This needs to be changed. Why you ask?
Have we ever realized what a person with darker skin tone has to go through while others passionately bash the colour of their skin? Have we ever thought of the psychological trauma they go through when they are constantly compared with everyone with a lighter skin tone? Have we ever considered how a person with dark skin tone feels when we suggest they use products that have no effect on their skin? Have we ever thought about how uncertain and insecure a person becomes when we demean them continuously? Have we ever considered how our little remarks can go a long way in affecting a person’s self esteem? Have we ever gone to the past and reconsidered that our nick-naming of our dark-skinned friends 'kallu' wasn't actually funny?
No, we haven’t. Our actions make them feel inferior. Apologetic, even. But why should they feel apologetic? For the way their skin glows so proudly in the sun with shades of bronze and golden? I don’t think so.
I want us to ask ourselves this.
Why are we trying to change what we are born with? More importantly, why are we trying to change what others are born with?
Whatever qualities we attribute to beauty will one day fade away. It’s only natural. So why not celebrate the beauty we've been born with and unconditionally celebrate others' beauty as well? Let’s embrace the boundless diversity we see around us and appreciate the beauty in everything and everyone.
Ours is a progressive country or at least one that is on the path to becoming one. This is the same country that is the 6th largest economy in the world and seeks to become a $5 trillion dollar economy in the coming years. We speak against poverty, rape, gender inequality, but we keep ignoring the most ingrained issues- never stopping the comparison on the based of color. It is only when we deal with these deeply rooted issues that we can truly grow as a society and hope to move forward in this world.
So, let’s try changing this famous line to-
“Mirror Mirror on the wall, I AM beautiful and that’s nobody’s call.”
And to those who stubbornly refuse to grow- if the skins actually increase the fairness, apply some on your conscience?
You are welcome. :)
This article was penned by Ms. Sansita, a first-year law student from the Army Institute of Law, Mohali.